Roses...Roses...MORE roses...Yes, even more roses :)
My wedding was flooded with roses. We had a very small ceremony, but it was dominated with roses. My adoration for the piano was added with the Bosendorfer in the room, also heaped with roses. It was definitely a dream wedding for me. So, when I get four dozen roses on my baby Grand for our anniversary, the memories flood back. They are now dispersed across the house in four different vases, the principle vase being our wine bucket sitting on the now closed piano, which was the gift for our 5th year of marriage.

Speaking of pianos, I experienced my first recital last Tuesday...the first in 15 years. I have to give credit to my teacher, who has helped me realise that performance is about full enjoyment and comfort of the music. 15 years ago I was a rigid machine tapping out the notes with the same phrase in my mind repeating "is it over yet?" This time I had a wonderful time, and even did marginally well :)

City Birdwatching
I adored (still do) birds. I would climb the only tree in the yard and sit quietly with my binoculars and bird book, memorising the breeds, species, and ticking off what I had seen. In the winter I'd sit in the kitchen window after spreading seed with my binoculars again and watch my favourite bird, the Junco. It was not winter without my beloved juncos. Chickedees, meh. Cardinals, blah. Juncos...now THAT'S a bird. Don't ask why; it's impossible to understand an 8 year old, even if you were that 8 year old, but I'm still partial to Juncos.

This was all brought back to me as I read Julie Zickefoose's awesome book, Letters from Eden. It didn't give me the desire to run out and buy an 80 acre farm built specifically for nature, but it certainly gave me the desire to use those new binoculars that I haven't hardly used since I received them, dig out my bird book, and take a walk at Eagle Creek. I used to keep a bird feeder in front of my window, but *gasp* the birds have this natural subsequential issue of plooping on the sidewalks! We can't have that! Seriously, all my neighbors bitched because my feeding of the birds was causing plooped up sidewalks. One of our neighbors actually caught and terminated chipmunks and small squirrels. I momentarily fantasized catching and terminating her bratty 4 year old. Thus, my desire to perhaps have more space and privacy to bring the birds to me. Anyway, Zickefoose is a fantastic writer, bringing nature alive to the reader. My first introduction to her as a kid was reading the Bird Watcher's Digest and seeing her illustrations.

I definitely need to get back out and start bird watching again, in my wonderfully amateurish way, especially since winter birds are my favourites.

Children CAN be sweet!
I was teaching Tae Kwon Do last night and my hair had come down out of the barette after doing some self-defence with one of my students. So, I pulled it down and was in the process and putting it back away again, when one of my student's little girl's called out and said "don't put it up...it's so pretty down!"

I had to resist running over and hugging her, but I did tell her that she earned a lot of love for that statement.

Maybe I should put her in my will or something.

Seriously...

Kids don't compliment, and since I hate my hair, and compliment about my hair from a kid? What ARE the odds?

Humbug
Grisham's Skipping Christmas had a cool idea. If I remember correctly, they decided to switch out Christmas for an awesome cruise because they felt that everything had become a duty...everybody examined the cards in detail, gifts were chosen largely to compare (not please), even down to all the neighbors being pressured in having the same stupid ass Christmas decor on the roof. I'd skip Christmas too! They threw everything back together again at the last second when their college aged daughter phoned that she was returning in a couple days, but I didn't think that sufficed for a reason to go through that mayhem at the last minute.

I promised myself that I would only do Christmas cards if I enjoyed the process...buy gifts that I really thought fit the person (this required thinking months in advance)...and not pressure myself into going to something if I didn't want or just needed a quiet evening. The huge and gigantic problem is that the more real I make Christmas a truly enjoyable season with the fun traditions of getting the tree, sending the cards, wrapping the gifts, and enjoying festivities with friends, the more I feel alone. Why is Christmas a duty or responsibility to so many people? Why is any holiday a responsibility to anyone? (Feeling frustration from people that seem to think that it's just a task.)

I'm starting to wonder if just running off to another part of the world or country isn't a better idea. Cape Cod was glorious last year. Real fireplace, small tree, presents, hot cocoa and soup. This is what people should focus on....not running around ticking off a list of responsibilities.