19 November 2011

So so so so tired....

Everybody is tired, right? We all have this fantastic habit of packing our days with appointments and tasks, and if completely necessary, making the mundane feel like it's incredibly urgent. While it is true that all the deadlines I have are self-inflicted and self-paced, exhaustion and trapped are the primary emotions. Must I absolutely have a doctorate? No, but if I want to truly advance in my career, the educational industry demands it. Must I push myself on the doctoral writing demands? Probably not, but frankly, paying $4,000 a quarter is not something that I like to inflict simply because I feel the need to slow down the pace. Should I drop my job so I can focus on it better? Well, they are the ones shelling out the $4,000 a quarter. Perhaps not then. Travel less? Only when I'm pushing up daisies. That's the one thing that is incredibly motivating and keeps me thinking. I considered cutting back conferences, but that feeds directly into my consultancy, and when the PhD is done, I want that to grow.

I knew this quarter will kill me, and it did. But I have one week left and survival is promising. The last course with the most incredibly obtuse facilitator is nearly over with the capstone project (qualitative research proposal) complete. Pathetically, I looked at my current grade (98%) and then looked at the value of the project (10%)... and all I could think of was "I have a really solid B if I just blow that whole crazy project off." Definitely missing on the learning mindset, but hopefully you can forgive me when you consider that I was also trying to wrap up a 120 page thesis on systems in education. Don't worry, I did the project, and I'm glad for the experience, even if the facilitator is useless.

One week left and I still have six major projects that I intended to complete before the quarter ended, but frankly, the amount of teaching and learning besides my job and clients that took place in September, October, and November leaves me with a sense of "wow, only six projects that I didn't get to complete :P

The value I am getting out of this is realising that I can still enjoy the little things during deadline focused times. Taking up the cello has been a lot of fun, and my teacher said that I have natural talent. While it is possible he was ensuring my continual return, my psyche is going to choose that I actually can play the thing. It is a tonne of work to do two completely different things at the same time, but it takes my brain away from complex adaptive systems within education, qualitative methodology and the looming dissertation proposal.

Also, Starbucks knows me by name.

Perhaps these jitters should be addressed.

Meanwhile, I have skipped to the really important project....packing for a computer-free trip with friends, wineries, waterfalls, and fantastic food.

Recess!!

The Tehran Intiative (book review)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars