How innocently the unsuspecting parents fall into the well laid traps of mice and men. In this case, the trap was the Junior Ranger program offered by the National Park system. This really started when I was a child and my parents introduced to my already obsessive nature the concept of collecting date stamps in a “National Passport” at designed locations. I thought it was awesome, but never did I dream I could collect them all.
Enter Elle.
She not only assumes she can collect them all, but adds a twist. Enjoying the National Passport date stamp collection isn’t enough. Earning the crappy little plastic badges that requires assigned parental unit to set aside 1-2 hours per location so that said child can work through an immersive experience facilitated by a workbook is a much better plan in her mind.
As noted, it started innocently enough, the culprit location being Washita Battlegrounds in Oklahoma.
The intention was simply to run in, get the passport stamp, buzz through the little museum, and move on down the road. But then the following happened.
Ranger: Did you know if you did this workbook you can earn this? *flashes said crappy plastic badge of doom*
Ellie: *sucks in breath in excited moment* OHHHHHHHHHHH Yes Yes Yes Yes!
Me: Shit.
So if you, my dear parents out there, fall into this trap, here are some tips to consider.
Read the instructions.
At Washita, I saw the page where pictures of foliage were listed. I gathered that she had to identify them so I grabbed her and we headed out. Please note that foliage looks different each season and after being reduced to near tears that I couldn’t find whatever the one that was flowering, I ranted and raved about the stupidity of asking mere 8 year olds to spot these things and finally told Elle to go tell the ranger that she couldn’t find the one (we found the other two).
It turns out that she was simply supposed to drag a line from the name of the foliage already printed on the page to the picture. I wanted to scream but could unfortunately only blame myself.
Give plenty of time for the “popular” sites.
These places are intense. For example, Arches National Park has them running around picking up litter, not to mention finding a spot to meditate and write about their meditation experience. I’m like, seriously people, I’ve got a schedule. Turns out that rangers don’t really care about the adult’s schedule. At all. In fact, the more you whine, the more they turn your kid against you as my complaints led to a huge lecture by Ellie on the value of not littering and learning to slow down.
Don’t tell off the rangers.
This will turn out really poorly for you. Firstly, they don’t give a crap about you, but they like your kid. Always keep that in mind. Secondly, they can really make your life miserable. For example, at Mesa Verde, I figured out the place to visit and asked the ranger. He pointed to the other desk to purchase tickets that was like 3 feet away.
Fine.
Stand in line at the desk 3 feet away for 10 minutes as I experience the stupidity of people who don’t know how to 1) decide and 2) make their purchase. When I finally get my turn, she told me that everything was sold out and to go to the other desk for the free trails.
We’ll leave out the remainder of that conversation to keep this post G rated.
Stock your own pencils.
Because the entire national park system is still in the Dark Ages of pencil and booklet, most of them provide the pencil. Not Mt. Rushmore. I was informed that they did not provide pencils in order to cut costs and keep the Jr. Ranger program free. It turns out that I did learn something from my Mesa Verde experience and I simply asked where they sold them. Bucking the pencil system was not going to get me any further than my attempt to buck the trail instructions systems at Mesa Verde.
I walk into the gift shoppe where they not so shockingly had a nice little bundle of pre-sharpened pencil at the ready. Again, I bit off the “what, you aren’t selling the sharpeners too?” and offered my credit card. Here’s where they got really smart.
Ranger: I’m sorry, but we don’t allow card swipes under $5.
Me: It’s OK, just charge me the fee.
Ranger: No, I really can’t swipe it.
Me: *choking back the swear words* Ellie, go find something to buy. I don’t care what.
Ellie: *picks a colouring book*
Ranger: OK, that brings it up to $4.83.
Me: OH FOR GOD’S SAKE
Ranger: Would you like to purchase a second pencil?
The booklets are secret torture devices for adults.
Going back to Mesa Verde, my friend was traveling with us and does have a huge amount of patience. However, even he had a meltdown, standing in the middle of the museum, at his full 6’4” with a little kids booklet, freaking out because “THERE IS NO CORN EXHIBIT. WHERE IS THE STUPID CORN EXHIBIT???????” It would seem that there was a page on Anasazi agriculture, but the booklet’s exhibit instructions didn’t match the museum’s labeling.
Is it worth it?
All in all, I have to say that the experience is fabulous for the kids. There’s no possible way that Ellie would have learned what she did at each location because not only did I not know the insane details being taught, but I would have also never given her the space to learn them. Also, it’s a very motivational experience of learning for her, who is determined to earn all 408 badges before she’s exempt from the program when she’s 13.
Geography, culture, history, and appreciation for beauty all comes wrapped up as family activities within this experiential learning program. Also, it makes traveling pretty intentional as I can’t help but want to support Ellie’s dream of getting all of them. While the American Samoan and Guam badges seem pretty elusive, it’s ironic that we’ll be in New Zealand later this year, just a stone’s throw away from Samoa, and then have an Asian trip planned for 2017 that will make Guam pretty reasonable. I figure if those can be accomplished, the least we can do is try and get all of them J
Meanwhile, 2 ½ weeks, 10,000 miles, and 11 badges later, I need a break from anything that is even related to p-a-r-k………
