Squirrel Wars
I have the perfect office. The window's open right in front of me...a gin and tonic slightly to my right and the fan bringing in the gorgeous air at a nice rate. To better enjoy my perfect view of a budding tree as I half heartedly work on curriculum design, I had Eric put up a little bird feeder for two reasons...1) to torture Q as she sits on the window sill in agony that she can't quite reach the birds, 2) and to just enjoy the lovely twittering birds. All went well until the appearance of the squirrel.

I think this squirrel takes Yoga since my tearing down branches around the bird feeder has had no effect whatsoever. I don't think he even cares about getting the seed anymore, but just puts himself in these crazy contortions to reach the seed to piss me off. Swearing and stick waving has done nothing except to have it move away a few branches chattering me rudely, and probably laughing his ass off when I nearly fell out of the second storey window trying to hit him with the pole I use to hang feeder.

This has continued for several days. He has mocked me for up to six times in the same afternoon. Today I reached my blood pressure ceiling. While I figured my .38 snubnose with hollow points might cause undue messiness, and god only knows where the bullet would end up...I thought about my .22 pistol, but alas, I have no ammo, and that also seemed extreme, even my state of anger and retribution.

Then...yes...the memories of my BB gun days came floating back. Slowly at first, as my rage was still besting my mood, but eventually a feeling of satisfaction and glee came to me as I rushed to the basement, praying that I still had BBs in my Red Ryder, packed away so many years ago. YES! There are still BBs! LOTS AND LOTS OF BBs!

The tide of the Squirrel Wars are now turning in my favour, as I happily design curriculum, occasionally looking up to see his smarmy face, and then receive a BB in his ass. It's a little disturbing to have a BB gun resting next to my desk, but this is for a most excellent cause.