So graduation was not needed for closure. My closure was experienced several times over.
But celebration was a different story.
I experienced a surge of ultimate glee when Dr. Eichholz gave my colleague, Laura, sitting next to me for the line-up, the victory sign! At that point, something really snapped in my head with the pure joy of accomplishment :)
My glee was somewhat diminished when I realised that I was the first, of all the hundreds there, to walk up. The first? FIRST? Granted, there are significant advantages to being first, but my fear was to lead the line wrong ... of which course I did! Then my stilettos, the first of many to step on the ramp, echoed. I swear they sounded like a bomb went off. I was relieved when Laura's stilettos joined mine behind me.
However, all concerns dissipated when I saw Dr. Eichholz. As I felt the hood come over my head, there was nothing else except her, me, and the hood.
Then there was that moment ... "am I allowed to hug her?" Suddenly, the realisation of photography and videography live streaming, not to mention the crowd in front me made me fearful that I couldn't hug her! In that second, I realised that I had come to see her ... and experience THIS moment WITH her.....and she confirmed that I could experience that moment with arms wide open. *tears of gratitude*
In a sense, my value of family came truly into focus as I realised how impossible it would have been to complete this accomplishment without them! I was so grateful that my parents and in-laws were supportive throughout the whole crazy six years and came to Washington DC to celebrate this moment with me ... and of course, Eric who was so steadfastly patient, and Ellie, who has never cognitively known me not working on my doctorate!
This is a good time to note the publication of my Dedication and Acknowledgements that is in my now published dissertation.
Dedication
My work on this dissertation and doctorate degree is dedicated to the people in my life who shaped me through a lens of whole-person thinking. I didn’t know it at the time, but the major influencers of my life communicated to me through experiences, not just cognitive learning. Rob and Joy Hartman, my parents, laid a foundation of ethics and experiential learning that keeps me grounded and confident in who I am. Leah Kaufman, my equestrian trainer, taught me perseverance despite fear, transforming that fear into a continual desire to improve my physical abilities. Alice Eichholz, my dissertation chair and doctoral mentor, did the same with scholarly writing and thinking, always setting expectations slightly higher than I thought I could achieve, and then helping me achieve them. Lastly, Eric Willeke, my husband, is always a gentle balance of support and expectation. As I work to provide relevant learning for others, the experience of this doctorate has increased my own self-awareness of my journey towards self-actualization.
Acknowledgements
Quite simply, this achievement would never have existed without the direct support of certain people. The one who suffered the most was my seven year old daughter, Leah Elle. Having started this degree when she was one, she has no idea what a mum is like without doctoral work constantly overshadowing free time. The next one who sacrificed for my achievement of this degree was my husband, Eric, who managed to handle tasks that we both hated, deal with my stress, and be my statistics hero. All of my friends and family deserve more than a simple thank you for listening to my whining, crying, and self-pity on more than one occasion without judgment (at least no outward judgment). For all of my professional colleagues, it won’t ever be forgotten that work was shuffled to support me when I begged off due to those rather constant doctoral deadlines. Lastly, but certainly not least, I appreciate the quality and care that Walden University faculty have for us as students. The commitment to scholarly excellence in expectations while respecting my busy life gave me the resources I need to be a lifelong scholar.
