Attending my last PhD residency here in London, I’m sitting
in a great little pub in Notting Hill, smiling to myself, and sometimes
giggling over thinking about previous sessions. I don’t typically consider
myself as the personality that spends a lot of time processing, but really,
this week has been a major processing experience for me. In the past, my mouth
is typically waggling quite a bit. This time though, I’ve been very quiet
unless called upon, and funnily enough, I’ve probably contributed more in this
method than all my mouth waggling residencies. However, falling into those
observation strategies that my poor qualitative professor tried so hard to
establish in me as habits, I’ve observed quite a bit, especially in the way of
dominant ways people handle their stress.
Know-It-All Stress
Reaction
All of these generalized classifications are in every major group I’ve experienced, whether in a workplace, conference, or less fun, in airplanes. In an effort to be authentic, this was really me in my first two residencies. I wanted to help everybody with my prowess of the topic area, and be observed as the brilliant one. Thankfully, I think that I’ve finally moved on, although I have to watch for ensuring I don’t swing the pendulum and do the other extreme. I don’t want to be unhelpful, but I don’t particularly volunteer much. After all, there’s many others with the know-it-all affliction already torturing the hapless soul who asked the question. Sometimes they are wrong. Usually their comments are incredibly obvious. Always, always, always….opinions will be shared regardless of request.
All of these generalized classifications are in every major group I’ve experienced, whether in a workplace, conference, or less fun, in airplanes. In an effort to be authentic, this was really me in my first two residencies. I wanted to help everybody with my prowess of the topic area, and be observed as the brilliant one. Thankfully, I think that I’ve finally moved on, although I have to watch for ensuring I don’t swing the pendulum and do the other extreme. I don’t want to be unhelpful, but I don’t particularly volunteer much. After all, there’s many others with the know-it-all affliction already torturing the hapless soul who asked the question. Sometimes they are wrong. Usually their comments are incredibly obvious. Always, always, always….opinions will be shared regardless of request.
Fearful Stress
Reaction
This is the funny one. It’s not funny that they are scared, but it’s hilarious how it manifests itself. For example, sitting this morning in a tight little circle of super freaks (hopefully that doesn’t include me, but I suspect we all could be categorized as that), we were indulging in the less than fascinating world of multiple regression. Somewhere in the middle of statistical output, the facilitator suddenly asked, “is this just a refresher for some or is this new enough to demonstrate?” This is where we enter the interesting juxtaposition of pride and fear. Pride says, “oh god, I can’t be there one to be the dummy!” while Fear goes “oh god, please please please stay at this level!” So, me, with a growing need for a pint, speaks up and says “this is so NOT a refresher for me!” *easier breathing around the room … somebody stepped up to demonstrate lack of knowledge* J
This is the funny one. It’s not funny that they are scared, but it’s hilarious how it manifests itself. For example, sitting this morning in a tight little circle of super freaks (hopefully that doesn’t include me, but I suspect we all could be categorized as that), we were indulging in the less than fascinating world of multiple regression. Somewhere in the middle of statistical output, the facilitator suddenly asked, “is this just a refresher for some or is this new enough to demonstrate?” This is where we enter the interesting juxtaposition of pride and fear. Pride says, “oh god, I can’t be there one to be the dummy!” while Fear goes “oh god, please please please stay at this level!” So, me, with a growing need for a pint, speaks up and says “this is so NOT a refresher for me!” *easier breathing around the room … somebody stepped up to demonstrate lack of knowledge* J
This was an especially good example….the facilitator says
“I’ll demonstrate the major differences between mediation and moderation” (as
variables). As a silent prayer of gratitude goes up, she starts on mediation.
Panicked student goes “that is mediation … not moderation!”
“Yes,” says the patient facilitator, “I’m covering mediation
right now.”
Panicked student goes “but what about moderation!”
Patient facilitator explains that she will cover moderation.
Panicked student goes, “so you definitely will cover
moderation AFTER mediation?”
“Yes.”
Ha! Hilarious. That is the perpetual and blinding fear that
I see in most doctoral students at the higher level residencies.
Stubborn Stress
Reaction
Wow. You want a group of insanely stubborn people, it’s the students who are writing their prospectus. They want THEIR study, no matter how infeasible it is. Graduation at some future point is clearly not in their scope and they are on a path to save the world. Granted, I remember those days, but I also remember how short lived it was. However, you do have to listen to get the reality check because residencies is really one of the safest environments to share your fears, concerns, excitement, etc. Thus, people are going to be nice as they provide recommendations that essentially say, “why don’t you re-think that?” It’s really easy to leap into the solution instead of establishing a problem and seeking to prove that problem. This is the classic error of the early days of dissertations. My cohort has an especially stubborn one who thinks that X not only is essentially non-existent in today’s organizations (I can promise you that’s not entirely true), but she wants to create model that every single corporation adheres to on topic X. Deathly pause of quiet occurs as everybody processes the fact that there is zero allowance for difference in values. There has been effort to explore those areas with her, but right now it’s not being heard very much. I suspect that she’s feeling stress defending it and can’t hear right now.
Wow. You want a group of insanely stubborn people, it’s the students who are writing their prospectus. They want THEIR study, no matter how infeasible it is. Graduation at some future point is clearly not in their scope and they are on a path to save the world. Granted, I remember those days, but I also remember how short lived it was. However, you do have to listen to get the reality check because residencies is really one of the safest environments to share your fears, concerns, excitement, etc. Thus, people are going to be nice as they provide recommendations that essentially say, “why don’t you re-think that?” It’s really easy to leap into the solution instead of establishing a problem and seeking to prove that problem. This is the classic error of the early days of dissertations. My cohort has an especially stubborn one who thinks that X not only is essentially non-existent in today’s organizations (I can promise you that’s not entirely true), but she wants to create model that every single corporation adheres to on topic X. Deathly pause of quiet occurs as everybody processes the fact that there is zero allowance for difference in values. There has been effort to explore those areas with her, but right now it’s not being heard very much. I suspect that she’s feeling stress defending it and can’t hear right now.
My Change
This is my little self-epiphany thought and something that I’m seeing in other colleagues as well. I actually do care about all of those individuals in each category I represented here. All the best, I think, if they are not really ready to hear the changes they will inevitably have to accept if they wish to finish … and that’s not with a bad attitude. I do wish them the best and hope it will click sooner rather than later. However, I don’t have responsibility to change their minds. I provide my feedback, engage as much as possible, and leave it with them. I used to stress so much if I saw errors, but even in workplace environments, I’ve noticed that I can respect decisions that I disagree with, practice my inward predictions, and observe the outcome. More importantly, I learn from each of those experiences without the emotional charge that can sometimes go with it if you try and stress over controlling scenarios or people. This is a real freedom that I’m starting to very much enjoy.
This is my little self-epiphany thought and something that I’m seeing in other colleagues as well. I actually do care about all of those individuals in each category I represented here. All the best, I think, if they are not really ready to hear the changes they will inevitably have to accept if they wish to finish … and that’s not with a bad attitude. I do wish them the best and hope it will click sooner rather than later. However, I don’t have responsibility to change their minds. I provide my feedback, engage as much as possible, and leave it with them. I used to stress so much if I saw errors, but even in workplace environments, I’ve noticed that I can respect decisions that I disagree with, practice my inward predictions, and observe the outcome. More importantly, I learn from each of those experiences without the emotional charge that can sometimes go with it if you try and stress over controlling scenarios or people. This is a real freedom that I’m starting to very much enjoy.
