Corporate Translations
I love getting our monthly newsletter because it's so easy to make fun of it. Here's the basic translations to the monthly bullshit:

Within XYZ Division, the group's strategy is to broaden the revenue base.
Translation: Get more money.

Within ABC Division, the group's strategy is to orient its production base towards lower-cost markets.
Translation: We're screwing the USA employees and going to China.

Within the MNO Division, the group's strategy is to transition its business towards higher value-added services.
Translation: We don't have time to mess with the consumer demands, so we're going to buy out a company, downsize half of them, and use their accessories to fill in our stuff.

Meanwhile, the lowly slaves in Corporate are forced to suffer purchasing power indignities while the company hauls in another 2.008 billion euros...this quarter. Rough quarter.